someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
