I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
