One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
