apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
