just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
