This house was built for laser tag.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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