we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
