I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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