she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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