the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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