im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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