Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
