Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
