We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
