Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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