He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
