Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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