Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
