never play flip cup with pint glasses
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
