I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
