Don't make out with my wife yet
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
what day is it and did you see me today?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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