I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
