i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
