is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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