Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
