maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize