I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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