i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm too high and old for this...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
