I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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