dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
