dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
