if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
