Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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