Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
