my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
