I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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