:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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