im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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