The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
