i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
