like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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