I accidentally burped into my bong.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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