when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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