I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
