Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i now understand why vodka
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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