In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Say something about gay babies.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
