fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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