i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
