did you get engaged???
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
