idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
