I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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