Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
