Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating