It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?