my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.