if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
