whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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