I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
