Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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