I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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