Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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