me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
