If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
