My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize