i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
