he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
