There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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