Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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