3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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