So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
