I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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