she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
