matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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