I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
ttyl tear gas
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
