Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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