conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
