I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
