Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
